Children
He wants custody of the children. What can I do?
Abusive people can make you doubt your own abilities as a parent. As well as this, a common threat that abusive people make is; "if you leave me, I’ll take the children". However, this is not the case and your solicitor can advise you on what is likely to happen.
Usually, if two parents both want custody or 'residence' of their children, the court will ultimately decide who the most suitable parent is. Prior to the court deciding, an organisation called CAFCASS will become involved. They assess and make recommendations to the court about who will be most suitable to care for the children. They will take into account each person's individual circumstances as well as their emotional ability to care for the children. They will need to know about the domestic abuse and will take this into account when they make their recommendations.
For more information on CAFCASS visit www.cafcass.gov.uk
The relationship is over and he wants contact with the children but I don’t feel safe?
If contact can not be organised safely you should first of all seek legal help. Don’t feel pressured into giving him contact if it is going to put you or your children at risk.
In many areas there are specific supervised contact centres where you can drop your children and the contact visit will be supervised by a trained worker. Contact arrangements can sometimes be agreed between your solicitor and his. Where agreement can’t be reached, the court will be asked to decide.
It is useful to remember that abusive people will sometimes use contact with the children as a means to continue the abuse. You can protect against this in some ways by arranging contact formally (i.e. through a solicitor or with a court order).
My partner is abusive to me but is it better to stay together for the sake of the children?
It is important not to underestimate the impact on children of living with domestic abuse, even if they haven't witnessed or experienced any abuse directly. If you leave an abusive relationship you will be happier in the long term and this will have a positive effect on your children - although all children need time to adjust to new situations.
Will my children blame me if I leave with them?
There is no easy answer to this question as it depends on the child's age an most importantly their awareness of what's been happening. Some children will be very relieved to leave the situation; others may miss the parent they are leaving, their routines and their home and blame you for taking them away. In the long term, when they have settled into new routines, most children will accept the new situation and may feel very much happier. For support contact us on 03000 110 110.
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