Freedom and Flashbacks
I awaken and open my eyes and look up. Clear blue skies, tree tops waving.
The sun smiles brightly down at me - and kindly winks reassuringly.
A new day... All is well... All is calm.
It warms my heart, it warms my bones.
My feet once clammy with fear finds a warm sun kissed patch under the sheets.
A sparrow majestic in its simple plumage call to me.
Get up! Get up and spread your wings and fly.
I AM here. I AM near. No fears. No tears.
But tears do flow.
Tears that release;
What might have been?
What could have been?
What should have been?
Who was he?
Where is he?
How could he? How dare he?
Why did he?
I get up and feel the clean cotton cloth around my body
“That is a barrier between me and you! Take it off!!”
Anger drips from those lips I kissed in the night.
Those lips I kissed on our first date.
Those blue blue eyes look up at me.
“Oh my neck is so sore. It’s really painful today!”
I remembered clearly my efforts to satisfy the insatiable appetite of last night...
How many hours this time hrs three and a half?
I had moved my pillow several times in my efforts to fulfil.
He had thrown them down as well…exasperated.
I looked down at the wrinkled piece of tissue that I had so much trouble with.
It lay there innocent
Not me it said
YOU YOU YOU
I winced, my tummy heaved, how could I make amends? "Oh Yes"
I had "promised" what was it this time?
Wearily I headed for the kitchen door.
I unlocked the outside door and stepped out
FREEDOM FREEDOM FREEDOM
I smiled up at Father God "Good Morning" I said
I walked on the terracotta tiles in my bare feet,
Felt clear fresh morning dew between my toes.
Looked at the bright colours of the early spring bulbs
And smelt the fragrance of the new day.
I could taste the garlic of last night’s meal.
Remembered the crunch of the crisp salad.
Last night’s warm drink and biscuits I had eaten on my own in the silence of the kitchen.
I sat down on the doorstep holding my bowl of cereal high on my knees just under my chin I ate gratefully.
I sought no permission.
Heard no comment designed to undermine and humiliate.
There was no demand to stop what I was doing and to attend...
Yes it is a Good Morning, Father Thank you so much for rescuing me, for loving me throughout, in spite of and because of, for this fresh start.
For a new plan and a new life.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
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