Healthy Relationships

Look through the checklist below - this aims to give you an idea of some of the behaviours that are unhealthy or abusive. There will be other things that indicate an unhealthy or abusive relationship that are not included here. If you feel uncomfortable with how your boyfriend or girlfriend is making you feel or if you are not happy with what they are making you do it may be best to consider ending the relationship.

Healthy	Unhealthy	Abusive
Communicating - You talk openly about your feelings without shouting or swearing. You listen to each other, hear each other out, respect each other's opinions, and are willing to compromise.	Not communicating - You normally discuss problems calmly but sometimes one of you shouts the other down. You don't listen to each other or try to compromise.	Communicates abusively - During disagreements there is screaming, swearing, or threatening, or these things happen even when there is no argument. Your partner is demeaning or insulting towards you or will deliberately 'punish' you following arguments by ignoring you.
Respectful - You value each other as you are. Culture, beliefs, opinions and boundaries are valued. You treat each other in a way that demonstrates the high esteem you hold for one another.	Disrespectful - One or both of you are inconsiderate toward each other. Your partner occasionally disregards your views, ignores what you say or laughs at you.	Completely disregards your personal safety or your views - Your partner doesn't care what you think, undermines what you say and disregards your safety. Disregarding your safety might include them getting you to drink too much or encouraging you to take drugs.
Equal - You make decisions about where you go and what you do jointly. Your boyfriend or girlfriend gives you freedom to see your friends and family when you want to.	Unequal - one of you makes most of the decisions about where you go. Your boyfriend / girlfriend puts pressure on you to do what they like doing.	Totally controlling - you're only allowed to make decisions if your partner allows you. You are pressured not to see friends even when he/she can. You are worried to tell you boyfriend / girlfriend what you want to do in case they react badly.
Compassionate - You feel cared about and loved. Your partner is kind to you and open with you about how they feel. If you are down about something they listen to you and give you support.	Unkind - your bf/gf is dismissive of your feelings and occasionally belittles or jokes about how you feel. He / she is unable to be open about feelings and can be immature when responding to you.	Cruel - your bf/gf takes pleasure in you feeling down and deliberately lets you down, winds you up or is nasty to you.
Trusting - you trust each other and this trust has been earned.	Untrusting - There is suspicion that your partner is doing things behind your back, or your partner is suspicious of your loyalty without reason.	Obsessively jealous - your b/f g/f won't allow you to be around other people. They put pressure on you to end friendships. They constantly ask where you have been and what you've been doing.
Making consensual sexual decisions - You talk openly about sexual decisions together. You both consent to sexual activity and can talk about what is ok and what isn't. If you're having sex you talk about possible consequences together, such as pregnancy or STD's. You decide together how to address these things, such as through condoms and other birth control methods.	Pressuring the other into sexual activity or ignoring the consequences - One of you is trying to convince the other that the relationship should become more sexual. Or both of you are consensually sexually active with each other but aren't addressing the possible consequences.	Forcing sex or other sexual activities - The how, when, and where of sexual activity is determined by your partner. Threats and violence might be used prior to or during sexual activity. You might be pressured into having sex with his / her friends
Enjoying personal space - You both enjoy spending time apart and respect when one of you voices a need for space.	Smothering or trying to stop you spending time with other people - So much time is spent together that one of you is beginning to feel uncomfortable. When you express this the other is upset and tries to persuade you not to go out without them. Or sometimes both partners spend so much time together that they ignore friends, family or other things that used to be important to them.	Isolating you from friends and family - Your partner controls where you go, who you see and talk to. You have no personal space and you're often isolated from other people altogether. This isolation can start by your partner making things up about people, telling you that your friends are bad and that the only person who really cares about you is them.
Honest - You are both honest with each other but can still choose to keep certain things private. For example, you both know that it is important to be honest about things that affect or involve the relationship and still know that it is also ok to keep certain things private.	Dishonest - One or both partners are telling lies to each other on occasions.	Actively lies and doesn't take responsibility for the abuse - The violent or verbally abusive partner denies or minimizes their actions. They try to blame the other for the harm they're doing.